I was so over myself. Exhausted by my own repeated issues and cycles that stuck to me like superglue, I knew I had to seek out a path for healing different than the ones before. In my 30 years of walking a spiritual path, I have peeled back more layers than I care to count, cried a gabillion tears, and died to my ego what has seem to be a million times over. And even after all of that, when it came to certain issues . . . I still couldn’t get the breakthrough I knew was possible to me.
Yet, I was determined to get there. I was clear about the depth of healing I wanted and I knew I would go to any lengths to find it.
And find it, I did.
Among the vast mountains and breath taking waterfalls that surrounded one of the seven sacred cities in the world, Sao Thome’ das Letras, Brazil, I found myself in a shamanic healing ceremony that forever changed my life.
Through the sacred songs, dancing, drumming, and breath work I was able to enter a deep meditative state. I felt incredible love, healing energy, and a connection to the present moment in a way I had not ever known before. As I went deeper and deeper into the state of relaxation, a beautiful and wise spirit came to me.
The moment we connected, a gentle feeling of ease washed over my entire body like soft rays of the rising sun. Her healing energy coursed through my veins, touching every cell as though to restore them to perfect balance and function.
I felt safe. I felt held. I felt understood. I felt as though she knew my name. I had traveled nearly 6,000 miles to meet with her. Interestingly enough, I felt like she had been waiting my arrival to meet with me too. We had a divine appointment.
I was free to ask all of my elusive questions about my life and why I still struggle emotionally in the way I do. I was desperate for answers. I needed wisdom. I ached for freedom. Most of all, I needed her to help me in ways I have not been able to do on my own.
As I asked my questions, the answers came. With profound clarity, I saw the depths of my own ego. I sat face to face with the traumas that haunted me for years. Oddly enough, I was never afraid. In fact, I was relieved to be able to see through the futility of what “I thought” was so traumatic.
I saw how I’ve spent my life hyper-focused on obtaining financial goals, outcomes, and what my future will look like in “x” amount of years. Like scenes from a movie, I watched how I had performed for other people’s love, acceptance, inclusion and approval. I felt my own exhaustion and fatigue, inflicted by my own resistances to let go of self judgment and criticism.
And then . . . the transformation came.
What has taken me nearly all my life to release, I was able to heal in the presence of this wise spirit. Hot tears running down my cheek I finally had no more words, thoughts, negotiations, fight or bargaining left in me. I opened my heart fully to her healing energy and exhaled heavy burdens that I’m sure had been recycled from one lifetime to the next.
In no way would I suggest that I now have all of the answers nor do I have nothing left to heal. There still remains much of my unconscious mind that is yet to be explored and awakened. However, what I do have is a deeper appreciation for the process and the depth of healing I am able to receive since my time in ceremony.
It’s been almost a month since that meditation. The presence of this wise spirit continues to remain with me as I continue to seek her wisdom. It’s as though she knows I’m not ready for her departure. And for that I’m thankful.
I think it’s really important for us to seek out experiences that allow us to drop into those deeper meditative states that we’re not always able to get to on our own. Having someone hold sacred space combined with shared intentions for healing with a group can allow for great transformation.
The path doesn’t matter as there are as many ways to awaken as there are people on the planet. What matters is that the path resonates with each individual. For me, I will forever cherish my experience and with the help of divine guidance, be able to have such experiences in the future. My hope is that you, too, are able to explore and participate in opportunities that are supportive to your long lasting transformation, healing, and enlightenment.